Think before you jump!

Originally published on Heart of the Matter Online 7/21/08

You've heard the old phrase (or lecture) If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?! I had heard that a time or twenty growing up and I hate to admit it, but I have also said that to my own kids (even though I totally promised myself I would never say those words when I was a grownup)! I imagine they took that sound piece of advice exactly as I did when I was their age-- a la Charlie Brown's teacher... y'know, Waahhhh waaaah wa wahh waaaah wah.

In fact, those words came out of my mouth recently when one of my kids gave another one a wedgie. Yup, that's right, a wedgie! First of all, it's not a family ritual or pasttime to give swirlies or wedgies in this house. Second, umm... we homeschool so where did they get this bright idea? Third, that's just plain old mean and disrespectful to the other person. When the perpetrator of the aforementioned wedgie was further interrogated, his feeble defense was Well, my friend Luke does it! Ahhh... so Just because Luke thinks it's a good idea and fun, does that really make it the right thing to do? And this is the precise spot where you would insert the oft used phrase And if Luke jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?

As you can see, I am quite original in my parenting tactics.

In all seriousness, it did get me to question my own actions and decisions. How often do I do something just because everyone else does it? How often as a homeschooler do I judge myself and even decide my course of action by comparing what I do to what others do? If they think it's a good idea, then they must be right! While it might work out well sometimes, don't automatically think that it's the right thing for you.

When I first started this homeschooling journey, I naturally tried the same programs, curriculum, and schedules that some of my homeschooling friends did. After spending hundreds of dollars, the kids and I were all miserable and ready to throw in the towel. It just wasn't working for us and I felt like such a failure! I couldn't understand how almost everyone I knew loved this particular program and yet we didn't. It took a while for me to realize that I don't need to follow the crowd... I don't need to immediately do something just because everyone else does!

This jumping off a cliff mentality also creeped up when it came to our schedules. Most of my friends take the whole summer off-- we, however, go year-round. It's not that there is necessarily peer pressure in this area, but it is not easy to be the odd one out. To be the one that says, No we can't go to the beach today because we really need to finish our lessons! (Yes, we do take time out for fun in the summer, but we can't say yes to everything). Should I just jump and change our schedule or should I remember why we decided to go the year-round route in the first place?

Oh and don't even get me started on piano lessons, violin lessons, Latin, soccer, swim team, science classes or a million other things that pop up in the course of a year (or even a single conversation)! While all these are good things, should I jump right in and sign my kids up for even one more thing when our schedule is already completely full?

Let me say it again, Just because I do it, it does not mean that it is the right thing for you to do!

I don't mean this in matters that can be hypocritical... y'know, like when you tell your kids to not swear and yet every other word out of your mouth is foul. What I am talking about is taking into consideration the needs, values and dynamics of your own family... Thinking before you jump.

If schooling on Saturday works for you, then do it. If your family likes to put a priority on math and history on the backburner, then do it. If your family functions better sleeping until 10am and staying up until midnight, then do it. Don't try to make your days, schedules, and curriculum like everyone else-- tailor it to suit the needs and goals of your family! Don't think less of yourself or stress the whole family out because you are not up at 4:30am starting the day off with a family devotion and a full breakfast of bacon, freshly laid eggs and homemade biscuits (although you can invite me over for breakfast if you're the type-- I'll bring the honey for the biscuits!).

There is nothing wrong with any of those things! But as we begin to look to the new school year, be it in September or December, keep your expectations real. Before purchasing that curriculum or writing out that schedule, pray over it and consider if it truly fits your family-- not your neighbor's, your friend's or your support group president's family-- but your very own. Think before you jump!

Marsha is proud to be the Mrs. to David for over 12 years. They have been homeschooling their three rowdy boys in the Lone Star State for the past 5 years. When she's feeling like a slacker, you can find her drinking coffee, reading a book and writing at her blog-- and sometimes all at the same time! You can find Marsha at Our Homeschool and Other Such Happenings.