All The Validation I Need

Originally published on Heart of the Matter Online 7/10/08

Okay, so I'm really blessed. I know this.

After talking with other homeschoolers about the support (or, maybe more importantly, lack thereof) my blessedness has been driven home even further.


When going into the whole homeschooling thing I had a husband that not only told me I could do it, but said he thought I'd love it. He was so right. And anytime I have doubts he's the one that gives me the encouragement I need at the right time.

My parents-in-law are whole-heartedly on the homeschooling bandwagon. My husband's brother and sister-in-law had blazed the path ahead of us with their two daughters and are doing such an amazing job, that really their only natural response was one of support and excitement.

My sisters think I'm kinda crazy, but not vehemently or very loudly, so there's not really any friction. We're just all so different and accepting of each other's choices that it's all good.

My mama has also always been behind me in this. She was a public and private school teacher for years, and I think that helped her to not only believe her grandchildren could be taught by me, but that it would actually be the better choice.

See? Blessings all around.

But then there's my daddy. Ah, my daddy. Saying he did not support my decision is an understatement. And he's a little louder with his assertions than my sisters. "Those kids need socialization." "There's just somethin' 'bout school - they need to be in it." "They won't have all the opportunities they need." "Those kids need to toughen up and learn to be away from you."

But we perserved even with the knowledge that we did not have his blessing. For as hard as it is for us girls when our earthly authorities do not agree, we must accept that our first authority is our Heavenly Father and to listen carefully to the calling He has put on each of our lives. And secondly, that our new authority on earth is no longer our daddies, but now, our husbands. This conflict can create turmoil in our, still, little girl hearts. But, alas, we accept the line of authority, push forward, and pray for peace.

And I prayed. And I pushed forward. And I hoped, in the knowledge that other homeschooling families had gone before me without the coveted support of their extended families. And that some of them, not only softened their hardcore stance after a while, but even turned their support behind them.

So, we homeschooled.

And we tried to not "prove" ourselves everytime we were around Grandaddy, but, boy, it sure was hard to not "show off" our newsletters that showed the "official" yearbooks, dances, sporting events, and graduations. I hoped that in time, he would see that his grandbabies were learning to read, be polite, play sports, and be overall normal, if not better than(!), normal kids.

I had only been homeschooling for less than 2 years. But already, I was beginning to have glimpses that maybe, just maybe, he was becoming a believer. My mama would tell me about how he would share a "my daughter homeschools her children" story with their small-group at church. She shared with me how surpised he was by my kiddos' learning curve. (A side note: this was all while I was stressin' out about how my oldest was a reluctant reader and writer, and he still thought I was doing okay?!)

But then...

Just before Father's Day this year, while sitting around my kitchen table eating pizza and enduring the chaos that is lunch at our house, my mom asked if it would be alright to bring out the t-r-e-a-t-s that she brought for the kiddos. Without missing a beat my first-grader smiled and said, "I know what that spells - treats - and I want one!" Now, that in and of itself, is not a miracle. I know several public schoolers that are reading chapter books by now, but it was what followed that changed the course of the conversation. My father looked across the table and said, "Gal, I want to tell you that I think you're doing a great job teachin' your kids. I was against this when you started, but I've seen what you could do. I was judging you on myself. I couldn't have done what you do. I couldn't have had the patience you have."

And my daddy's affirming words brought to mind my Father's words that I also long to hear someday.

Matthew 25:23: "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!

Everyone take a collective sigh of relief and bask in the warmth with me! I knew there was a division there, but honestly, I had chosen to not think about it much anymore, in order to not stress all the time. I just stayed the course in the knowledge that I was doing what I should. But the feeling of validation from daddy is unreal. The connection of our feelings toward our earthly fathers and that of our Heaven Father is so real. How good it feels to obtain their approval. How hard we strive to make them proud. The truths of the Bible are evident at moments like this. Unity in our families brings Him glory. Honoring our earthly parents shows honor to Him. The desire to gain our mama's and daddy's approval is tied to our desire to please our Lord. The relief, joy, and peace that comes when you know you have made them proud is only a dim shadow of what we'll feel standing before our Redeemer. And in the end, how inconsequential our striving is, for they love us unconditionally, not because of our works.

And what else did I take away from this?

Just how important it is for me to tell my own children how well they've done. I must remember how much they really do desire to please us, even if it's not evident in the midst of their "How much more handwriting do I have to do?" screamin' fits. And do I make sure that my children know that their hard work is appreciated and at the same time do they know that they have my unconditional love?

If you struggle with this in your own life, pray, have hope, and keep on keepin' on. The proof is in the puddin' and the truth will show itself.

Be encouraged!

Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 6 and 5, a girl who's 3, and a baby boy who's not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn't have the slightest clue what she's doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don't stay cleaned, the laundry doesn't stay put away, the children don't remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they'd love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of "interrupted conversation"! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at http://www.thejoyfulchaos.com/.