So You Think You Can Home School?

Published on Heart of the Matter Online, June 25

This is my reality show…. Welcome!

For two years, my husband has been saying that I need to homeschool. Now I feel it is important to note that he likes to blurt things out before he really thinks about them. I mean, he is a loud, little Italian man. I, on the other hand, will analyze from all angles and then by the time I make a move the idea is usually out of style.

My husband says that before we got married he told God that he wanted a wife who would stay home and take care of his family. I told him that if that was the case, then we have both been deceived because I told God I wanted to be successful and productive (yeah, you know where this is going). So anyway, I am going to homeschool and this is further proof that God does have a sense of humor! Can you tell that I just wasn't that into the homeschooling idea?

Really, all I know is corporate America. You know, the "he said, she said" grapevines of loveliness? If you have no clue what I am talking about, you are blessed! Corporate America is a reality show nightmare. You will not see that show being broadcast anywhere but live. Thankfully, at the end of July this year my show will be canceled and I can start a new one at home.

Needless to say, the tables have turned and I have been nudged by a higher power (read: God) into homeschooling and my husband is now freaking out. Home Depot, Lowe’s, Harbor Freight, Wal-Mart, pounds of M&M’s, McDonald’s, 4-wheelers and many other amenities will soon be just a distant memory with our decrease in income. (Can you see me smirking?) This is going to be fun!

Here are the top 10 things new homeschoolers (or me anyway) want to know from you. I am going to ask because I would like to know and because no one else will dare to ask you. I have searched the internet but cannot find real, logical answers from real, seasoned homeschooling parents. So here it is:

10. So, I have purchased the whole curriculum that some experienced homeschooler has recommended. It looks awesome in my new homeschooling cabinet tucked away all neat and pretty..... Now what?

9. I like to have things planned out, but I have never been home for lunch. I think the kids will want to eat during the day. What do I do? GIVE ME YOUR WEEKLY MENUS. I WANT BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER! ASAP!

8. Construction paper is evil! Are there any acid-free, cost-efficient alternatives? Is colored paper necessary for preschool and 1st grade?

7. Thank God for glue sticks! Does liquid glue have any educational value that my kids will miss out on if I banish it? All they want to do is make a mess then eat it. Liquid glue has no nutritional value, does it?

6. What do I do when my husband is red with jealousy? (“You spend all day with them,” “When I call, you need to answer,” “Where is my tissue paper butterfly?”) Remember: I am married to a loud, little Italian man.

5. How do I wear out the princess before she can wear me out?

4. Will wearing uniforms help create structure or routine? We already have them and it seems logical. By the way, how do you get dry erase marker out of uniforms? Yeah, too late, I already washed it!

3. How do you get dad involved without it seeming like a chore? (Never mind, I can sit him down and let him make his own tissue paper butterfly!)

2. What do you do when the super hero turns evil on the fairy princess? They don’t cover this in our Bible curriculum.

1. I think I have lost my mind, have you seen it? Please tell me it isn't June already!



Andrea is a laid back gal from the south who has been married to a loud, little Italian man named Darin for 7 years. They have two kids: one thinks he is a professional wrestler and the other thinks she is a professional princess (yes, she wants to be paid to be bossy and prissy). She has recently given up the corporate world to step into a land of kisses and learning. You can visit her at her blog: The Honest Woman. Help!