Old Fashioned Homeschooling

Published on Heart of the Matter Online, June 29

I’ve been schooling long enough to have observed trends and cycles in the movement.

In the “old days”, we schooled very simply. We didn’t have the options currently available. We have a zillion companies willing to sell to us, yahoo groups, blogs, co-ops, online schools, umbrella schools, church schools, tutors . . . and yet I’ve seen a disturbing trend developing that alarms me. I believe that our many options have led to unrealistic expectations, feelings of inadequacy, and have contributed to burn out for many homeschooling moms. I believe this culture has led many to put their children back into public schools in junior high and high school because they feel that they can’t possibly do it as well as “suzieqexcells.blogspot.com” (fictitious blog url) or the “experts.” At conventions we used to hear that we, our child’s parents, were the experts on our children. Now, we often hear from the "true" homeschooling experts, and feel that we shouldn’t question their authority. When I began schooling we simply took it one day at a time until we finished. Most school districts didn’t want our children back in the system; we knew we had to school them until we figured out what else to do with them. ::snort::

Unrealistic Expectations

SuzieQ may post amazing blog glimpses of astonishing nature walks and yet totally ignore other school subjects. She doesn’t tell you that her oldest is 3 years behind in math, that her youngest hasn’t begun school, and that the great ideas she posted 6 months ago and that you are trying to implement didn’t work at all. SuzieQ may really be practically perfect – but we can’t really know. Furthermore, Co-ops may be wonderful, but aren’t absolutely essential for 2 – 3 days a week. It is possible to stay at home and homeschool the old fashioned way – and see great results.

Homeschool companies, like other businesses, try to convince us that their product will SOLVE our homeschool problem. It doesn’t always work that way. Do you think I’m making this up? Consider this ad that was sent via email by a big and popular HOMESCHOOL magazine. This magazine and others are where many new homeschoolers turn for “expert” advice and where veterans turn for support.

“Greetings:

Are you still homeschooling the old fashioned way?

Homeschooling was infinitely more time consuming before “XYZ Academy”. Homeschool parents use to spend their nights and weekends doing lesson plans, tests, grading, scheduling, and coping with the ever present “Am I doing enough?” No wonder burn out is so common! Does this sound like you?”


I don’t feel supported by the above. I feel that the ad tries to portray there is something wrong with old fashioned, independent homeschooling. The use of the term and the description of what “old fashioned” would be offends me. In fact, I need their expertise to homeschool. This ad from a Homeschool magazine has irritated me enough that I don’t plan to renew my subscription.

Feelings of Inadequacies

The above ad landed in my in-box on the very same day I was communicating with 2 online friends and a local friend…. all feeling INADEQUATE. I was angry…righteously angry, I believe. Ads like the above, huge co-ops that try to offer all the advantages of private school on a budget, practically perfect homeschool bloggers, tutors who charge huge bucks to implement programs I can buy for a fraction of the cost, perfect posts on yahoo groups, can all lead new homeschoolers, and even veteran homeschoolers, to feel that they aren’t measuring up. We slide into thinking that homeschooling SHOULD be easy. I shouldn’t be wasting my nights making lesson plans, grading, scheduling…..I should let the experts do it. I must find a way to pay for these services. I couldn’t possibly do enough on my own…look I can’t make the perfect 9 week unit study on the life cycle of a slug. Obviously, I NEED to either join a very active co-op, or this academy, or buy this product. When I’ve worn myself out trying all the options, when I have no money to buy the latest and greatest, I throw up my hands in frustration and put my child back into public school. More and more people feel INADEQUATE to actually homeschool independently. It doesn’t have to be like this!

Burn Out

This syndrome has always been around – even in the dark ages of our movement. I see it intensifying as well-meaning and loving moms try to implement ALL the current options. We leave our homes constantly, yet we try to accomplish all that our curriculums map out for us at home. We fail to pick and choose and so we feel picked over, wilted, and exhausted by spring.

I am not saying we should never use any of the current options. I own a yahoo group. I publish a blog. I take advantage of drama classes and such. However, I believe we need to remember the heart of homeschooling.

A few Things to Consider

God is the expert on your children. YOU are his partner. Get HIS plans for your child and faithfully follow it.

Do not become a curriculum/blog/magazine/yahoo group junkie if you are prone to feeling inadequate. Once you have God’s plan - stick to it. Look around when you have the green light from God to look for specific help. Don’t allow yourself to feel validated or invalidated based on what others are doing. Look to God for approval.

People homeschooled long before all the current options were available. Most homeschooled until graduation once they had pulled their child out of school. It CAN be done.

If you find “perfect blogs” causing you to feel depressed or inadequate – don’t read them!

Balance – use the options that encourage and help your specific family. If at any point you feel the disadvantages of participating are outweighing the advantages, be courageous enough to adjust. Seek balance.

We do ourselves harm when we excessively compare ourselves and our children to others. Quit!

Carefully choose your mentors – online and in real life. I am NOT trying to be judgmental….but you really only know what an author chooses to reveal about herself. Are you sure she is a mentor you should follow? Has she ever shared the hard days, the real days, the icky stuff so that you can learn from her how to work through those sorts of days? What do you know about her marriage? What do you know about her children? Are they the types of adults you would like yours to become? Has she schooled long enough to give weight to her theories? Has she lived long enough to experience both joys and heartbreaks? Is she willing to pull you close enough so that you can learn from both? Does she give you the freedom to search God for yourself and reach different conclusions than she has? When you find this sort of woman, online or in real life, get close to her. Shadow her. Learn from her. DON’T TRY TO BECOME HER. God has a plan for YOUR family and YOUR life. We don’t need to become clones of each other. Don’t put her on a pedestal – she’s human. If she’s showing you the good, bad, and the ugly you aren’t likely to put her on a pedestal. ::snort::

Disclaimer: I want to be crystal clear that I am NOT saying that "co-ops are bad" - some of my best friends are co-op coordinators. ::snort:: I'm not saying "yahoo groups are bad" - I own one. I'm not saying homeschooling blogs are bad. I have a blog and am a team member of Home School Blog Awards. I'm saying that if we aren't careful we tend to allow outside things to define how we homeschool and if we are a "success". If co-ops, tutors, alt ed are good for you - go for it - just realize that it's not the ONLY RIGHT way to homeschool with success.

As for my criteria for a mentor - that could be a whole other post.....but basically I look at Titus 2 and think that a mentor should be doing those things she is to teach younger women (obviously she won't be perfect this side of heaven). There again - those are MY criteria and you are free to choose your own. ::snort:: I am NOT saying that you cannot glean from a woman who doesn't meet the Titus 2 criteria - but mentor to me signifies an intimate spiritual relationship - someone who will be significantly speaking into my life on a variety of issues, vs. a casual/learn from each other at a support group type of relationship.

De'Etta is a homeschooling mom of 9 children ranging in age from 2-23 years old. She's married to a wonderful Air Force chaplain. Together they’ve enjoyed 24 years of grand adventure as God has grown their family and ministry. While their methods may change, the heart of homeschooling in their family has remained steady. They desire to partner with God to raise young men and women who will love Him wholeheartedly. De'etta says, "My goal in life is to passionately love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I endeavor through teaching and mentoring relationships to lead others to an extravagant, lavish, passionate, whole-hearted, love of their life. It is my goal to truly love others." You can catch up with her at Choosing Joy, Homeschool Blog Awards, and Support4HomeSchool – a homeschooling yahoo group.