Happy Mother’s Day!
This month we celebrate Mother’s Day . . . are you ready?
Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
When I think about celebrating Mother's Day this month, I am reminded of a past Mother's Day that will live on in infamy in my mind. Not because it was an awesome Mother’s Day, but because it was a horrible Mother’s Day. Let me set the stage for you: I woke up that morning and wandered out into the den where my family—I was certain—was waiting to shower me with gifts and sing my praises. Instead, I found no cards, no flowers, and everyone seemed too preoccupied with getting ready for church to even remember to say something to me. I felt like the character in Sixteen Candles; only instead of forgetting my birthday—they had forgotten Mother’s Day.
We went to church with me silently stewing. I was not prepared for the gauntlet of friends I had to run by at church who oh-so-kindly shared with me what their families had done for them that morning. “What did your family do for you?” they innocently asked. I just shook my head and took my seat in the sanctuary. I was embarrassed that my family didn’t care enough to remember my special day. I was angry that I had been overlooked by the very people who professed to love me most. I grumbled to God throughout much of the service and made vows that I would absolutely not make my husband’s Father’s Day special. So there.
Once we got home, I got busy trying to get an ordinary lunch ready for the family—all the while wondering where my special Mother’s Day lunch was. Finally, I snapped. I yelled and screamed about how horrible my day had been. I blamed my husband for not taking the lead. And then I went to my room and cried.
God met with me there in that room. He got my attention by showing me how out of whack my attitude had been. If He had called me to motherhood — with all the service and self-sacrifice that entailed — then why did I feel I deserved a day just for me? Why did I let the retailers and the culture build up my expectations to a place of total unreality? Why didn’t I instead turn to Jesus’ humble servant’s heart and say, “This is not about me. Even today, this is still about You.” If He is truly my model, then why did I let go of that and turn the focus on myself just because of a date on the calendar?
In the end, my sheepish husband and children snuck off to WalMart to get me some hanging baskets I had been wanting, and they ordered my favorite Chinese takeout for dinner that night. In trying to salvage the day, I saw their love for me displayed. I also faced the reality of the fact that at that point in our lives, a lavish gift and expensive restaurant meal just wasn’t financially possible. My expectations had not met with my reality, and I played the victim to the hilt. Shame on me. I resolved that in the future, I needed to lay all my expectations down and wait on God to surprise me, as His surprises are so much better.
Later that night I was talking with a friend and she asked how my Mother’s Day had been. I told her it had not been a good day. She replied, “Did it involve locking yourself in the bathroom, running a bath, and then crying your eyes out? Because that’s how my Mother’s Day went.” In that instant, I realized I was not alone. From that conversation, my friends and I resolved that perhaps we should not place so many expectations on our poor families. Perhaps we should instead make our own Mother’s Day plans, and let our husbands off the hook. So that is just what we did.
And so, this year my friends and I are getting a plan together for how we are going to spend our Mother’s Day. We have chosen a great chick flick to sneak off to in the afternoon, then on to a nice dinner and perhaps a latte afterwards. Our husbands are breathing a collective sigh of relief and our children are learning that sometimes mommy needs a little R&R just like everybody else. But then again, mommy doesn’t expect it or act like a diva about it. I will always remember the Mother’s Day I got an attitude adjustment and will try to keep this day in perspective in the years to come. In the end, that has made Mother’s Day at our house much happier. I hope your Mother's Day is happy and that, in some small way, you are loved, appreciated, and remembered.
This month we celebrate Mother’s Day . . . are you ready?
Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
When I think about celebrating Mother's Day this month, I am reminded of a past Mother's Day that will live on in infamy in my mind. Not because it was an awesome Mother’s Day, but because it was a horrible Mother’s Day. Let me set the stage for you: I woke up that morning and wandered out into the den where my family—I was certain—was waiting to shower me with gifts and sing my praises. Instead, I found no cards, no flowers, and everyone seemed too preoccupied with getting ready for church to even remember to say something to me. I felt like the character in Sixteen Candles; only instead of forgetting my birthday—they had forgotten Mother’s Day.
We went to church with me silently stewing. I was not prepared for the gauntlet of friends I had to run by at church who oh-so-kindly shared with me what their families had done for them that morning. “What did your family do for you?” they innocently asked. I just shook my head and took my seat in the sanctuary. I was embarrassed that my family didn’t care enough to remember my special day. I was angry that I had been overlooked by the very people who professed to love me most. I grumbled to God throughout much of the service and made vows that I would absolutely not make my husband’s Father’s Day special. So there.Once we got home, I got busy trying to get an ordinary lunch ready for the family—all the while wondering where my special Mother’s Day lunch was. Finally, I snapped. I yelled and screamed about how horrible my day had been. I blamed my husband for not taking the lead. And then I went to my room and cried.
God met with me there in that room. He got my attention by showing me how out of whack my attitude had been. If He had called me to motherhood — with all the service and self-sacrifice that entailed — then why did I feel I deserved a day just for me? Why did I let the retailers and the culture build up my expectations to a place of total unreality? Why didn’t I instead turn to Jesus’ humble servant’s heart and say, “This is not about me. Even today, this is still about You.” If He is truly my model, then why did I let go of that and turn the focus on myself just because of a date on the calendar?
In the end, my sheepish husband and children snuck off to WalMart to get me some hanging baskets I had been wanting, and they ordered my favorite Chinese takeout for dinner that night. In trying to salvage the day, I saw their love for me displayed. I also faced the reality of the fact that at that point in our lives, a lavish gift and expensive restaurant meal just wasn’t financially possible. My expectations had not met with my reality, and I played the victim to the hilt. Shame on me. I resolved that in the future, I needed to lay all my expectations down and wait on God to surprise me, as His surprises are so much better.
Later that night I was talking with a friend and she asked how my Mother’s Day had been. I told her it had not been a good day. She replied, “Did it involve locking yourself in the bathroom, running a bath, and then crying your eyes out? Because that’s how my Mother’s Day went.” In that instant, I realized I was not alone. From that conversation, my friends and I resolved that perhaps we should not place so many expectations on our poor families. Perhaps we should instead make our own Mother’s Day plans, and let our husbands off the hook. So that is just what we did.And so, this year my friends and I are getting a plan together for how we are going to spend our Mother’s Day. We have chosen a great chick flick to sneak off to in the afternoon, then on to a nice dinner and perhaps a latte afterwards. Our husbands are breathing a collective sigh of relief and our children are learning that sometimes mommy needs a little R&R just like everybody else. But then again, mommy doesn’t expect it or act like a diva about it. I will always remember the Mother’s Day I got an attitude adjustment and will try to keep this day in perspective in the years to come. In the end, that has made Mother’s Day at our house much happier. I hope your Mother's Day is happy and that, in some small way, you are loved, appreciated, and remembered.
Marybeth is homeschooling mom to six children ranging in age from teen to toddler, as well as a speaker for Proverbs 31 Ministries. In her column “Because Life Happens”, she addresses things like burnout, dealing with interruptions, and handling homeschooling from a very practical perspective. Be sure to visit her blog, Cheaper by the Half Dozen.
11 comments:
Thank you for this article. It came at a much needed time! Your definitely right, life happens. When we least expect it to, God often throws a wrench at us doesn't He? Just after I ordered my Mother-in-Law a couple of books she would love to read, and had them arrived, as we were planning to go visit her in 11 short days for a belated mother's day celebration, we get "the" phone call...the one you dread for your whole life, even though we know she is at home with the Lord, causes us pain. So this year mother's day will be bittersweet, on the one hand we will be driving home, where I will get to see my Mom, and tell her how much I love her, on the other hand we will be burying my mother-in-law. I hope between those two hands in the middle, my daughter can see how much they both have influenced the way I raise, her, and that I can teach her, sometimes "life happens".
Tha-ank You!
I am so blessed and comforted to know others are let down at the point of the made up holidays. I finally learned not to have great expectations for mother's day, valentine's day or any other day that Hallmark sponsors. And that's OK.
A huge book fair happens in TX mother's day weekend. Maybe next year, I'll arrange to take a couple of buddies.
So true, Marybeth. I've already told my family that the only thing that I would like for Mother's Day is a nap. Ha!
Oh my, Mary Beth! I know we have all been there...but those darn expectations are SO HARD to deal with, aren't they? Thanks for sharing! And I love your ideas for mother's day with girl time! I will have to remember that next year! :)
What a great post! I can so relate to having grand expectations that fall short of what actually happens! Thanks for the reminder that Mother's Day is still about Him!
Oy, I've had some days.. birthdays, mother's days... days like that. In fact, I'm use to the forgetfulness, so I started telling my husband, about a week or two in advance, that Mother's Day (or my birthday) is coming, and, I'd really like...._____. (Never something expensive.. usually something in the 20 dollar range, and usually something I kind of need anyway).
This year, I haven't said anything, and maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Truthfully, it did cross my mind, "If he forgets, I'm not doing squat on fathers day!" Glad I got my attitude adjustment now, and not on Sunday!
I love the idea of going to a chick flick on Mother's Day! That sounds like too much fun!
Christin H.
Definitely needed this. Thanks sooo much!!
Thanks, Mary Beth, for putting my thoughts/feelings into words. I'm there! THINGS don't tell me I'm loved, though a little recognition and forethought always goes a long way, especially on holidays. I'm confident in the love of my hubby and children. God has called me to do what I'm doing, and He's truly all I need.
Knowing that, I don't understand why I face the same struggle of feeling sorry for myself every Mother's Day. Silly me!
I am still learning this lesson...but not in relationship to my husband and children...rather in relationship to the great relationship I've never had with my mother. I am learning that I need to let go of those expectations, and allow her to be herself...the Mom that God gave to me.
Great article!
Thanks Mary Beth, you are a blessing here!
Blessings ~ Heather @
http://www.growing-in-rejoicing.blogspot.com/
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